Late-night Eggcellence

I’ve been a terrible blogger the last week or so. I haven’t been cooking! First there was our Thanksgiving trip to Savannah, where all the meals were pre-made and planned (more on that later…), then I got home and had friends in town and ate out, and then I had a horrible migraine and yakked my soul out of my body. It’s been a real roller coaster of a week, let me tell you.

In the interest of not leaving you all to starve or, god forbid, eat boxed food, this is a quick and easy recipe I did last night. It’s perfect for all three of my seemingly permanent conditions: broke, lazy, and STARVING. Seriously, it takes 20-25 minutes total. Ten of which you aren’t doing anything but staring at it longingly. EASY.

I could write forever about my love for eggs. As some of you know, my whole food blogging experience started with me making what I call “inebriated eggs” in the middle of the night. You can put ANYTHING in eggs and it will taste delicious. Open your fridge, take whatever leftovers you’ve got in there, add a few eggs and there you have it. The late-night hunger monster tackled.

I’ve made 4 am eggs more times than I care to mention (I worked in a bar so I got home late. I promise I wasn’t always a POS) and I’ve put everything in them from leftover lamb to mac n’ cheese (which was ‘holy shit’ level delicious). Eggs are cheap, easy, and fast. They take whatever leftovers you didn’t want to eat and make them new again. Hash is a fucking art form.

Instead of hash/scrambled I switched it up this time and went with a frittata. A frittata is basically an omelet but for lazy/ uncoordinated people like me that don’t want to deal with flipping it. Put potatoes on the bottom, eggs on top, and then throw that shit under the broiler. Tasty in ten-ish minutes.

Ingredients:

  • 1 package frozen hash browns (about two cups)
  • Olive oil
  • 2 bunches scallions, white and light green parts only (about one cup)
  • 10 eggs
  • 1 package boursin garlic and herb cheese

The Breakdown:

  1. Turn on your oven’s broiler on high heat.
  2. Heat 2 tablespoons of olive oil over medium-high heat until just barely smoking.
  3. Add the hash browns and cook, moving them around gently, for three minutes.
  4. Cook, without moving, for another two minutes.
  5. Place under the broiler and allow to crisp up (3-5 minutes).
  6. Once the potatoes have started to brown, return the pan to the stovetop.
  7. Whisk the eggs vigorously until frothy, stir in the scallions, and then for the mixture over the hash browns. Crumble the Boursin over the top.
  8. Place under the broiler for 10-12 minutes or until set in the middle. For this you will have to watch it. If it is browning too quickly, move it to a lower rack. The way you tell if its done is the tried-and-true jiggle method. Gently shake the handle of the pan every few minutes. If the center of your frittata jiggles like your great-aunt’s arm fat, it’s not done.
  9. Serve with hot sauce that shaken the plate in DESPERATE hunger and then congratulate yourself when it turns out looking kinda pretty. Take pictures and send them to me for my personal collection.

I swear they put crack in Boursin. @Boursin if y’all would sponsor me I could create ENDLESS recipes for you, just please mail me more of your cheese. Then I could fill a bathtub with it and roll around get a discovered on my 600 lb life be the best spokeswoman you’ve ever had.

Note: If anyone knows anyone at Boursin tell them to call me. I will drop EVERYTHING. I won’t tell anyone about the drugs, I promise. 

If eating an entire block of Boursin is wrong, I am physically incapable of being right. When I cook with it I have to hide it from myself until RIGHT when its time to throw it in the dish because if I don’t half of it will disappear. I didn’t want to tell y’all but I really used about one and a half packages of Boursin because I have no self control. I like to turn and sternly blame the dog, but she just looks at me like “Nuh-uh bitch. I’m not the one that’s gonna bust a button on her pants tomorrow.” If she could talk I just know she would be sassy as hell. She has that look.

This recipe can be adapted to include anything. I especially like to add fresh cherry tomatoes for bursts of acidity. It would also be a great way to recycle that chicken you cooked last night or those few bites of steak you couldn’t finish at the restaurant. Get creative! If a human bottle of vodka I can do it at 4 am with leftover mac n’ cheese and a prayer, you can do it too.

As ‘stuff in eggs’ always does, this was fluffy and delicious. Look how pretty it is:

eggy pie

Note: Stuff in Eggs is the working title for my cookbook, if any of you steal it I’m coming to your house and putting YOU in eggs.

This is one of those can’t-fuck-it-up things. It’s tasty for brunch, dinner, and especially that elusive fourth meal. The leftovers are good too! It never makes it long enough in my house, but I would venture to guess that this recipe would work well for people that are committed enough (not me) to meal prep. Cook one on Sunday and have breakfast for the week. Be better than me.

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